Dec

8

A Casket For Christmas?

Posted by cameron

December 8, 2006 |

Can you imagine trying to scan the bar code on your casket at the checkout counter? When I was Christmas shopping at Costco the other day I spotted something that stopped me in my tracks. It was a display of miniature caskets and advertising for funeral services. It immediately struck me as funny that you would shop for caskets and funeral services along with the monthly groceries, so I checked it out. The literature included a list of things you should know about the casket. For instance, it includes an adjustable bed and mattress…is someone not getting their beauty sleep or do they need to change positions over the millennia? Perhaps the sleep number mattress is also available (Maybe Uncle Fred will need a 47 now that he’s a dead weight?) Also included were stationary and swing bar handles. These were obviously intended for the athletically inclined who preferred an Olympic style dismount as they vaulted towards the light

“Families should choose a casket based on their own preferences and the personality of their loved ones”. What pressure. It’s like buying the gift for someone who has everything!

What is “The Brian, The Lady of Guadalupe and the Kentucky Rose”? Immediately an idea came to mind; I came up with my own list of casket names:

“The Sarcophagus”; suffice to say that Sarcophagus comes from the Greek sarxophnixdjournapasdekeptpoop” meaning flesh, “phagieningpoopfatchulattedgutredas” meaning to eat, so sarcophagus means “eater of flesh”. If you think I’m kidding, look it up. Now that’s hilarious.

“The Smoky Joe” comes complete with Teflon coating. It’s high resistance to heat and corrosive chemicals make it a must if you’re not sure which way you’re going.

“The Captain Kirk” comes equipped with a cloaking device for those who are scared to venture into the unknown.

“The I Felt Alright this Morning” includes a book of instructions for those who are always behind the eight ball.

“The Ethelred The Unready” was an English king who was never ready for battle. This casket comes complete with a full coat of armor. Never get caught with your pants down again.

“The Lady Godiva” for those amongst us who prefer to travel unencumbered and feel the wind between their sails!!

“The MePod” especially designed for the techno geeks and comes with 120GB memory (that’s more than I have!) full color LCD screen, USB port, Caller ID (well you wont be taking calls from just anyone)

It’s been quite awhile since I had this much fun Christmas shopping.


Comments

1 Comment so far

  1. Jessie on December 10, 2006 8:48 pm

    HILARIOUS!

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