|
Jan
18
|
Posted by maureen
January 18, 2007 |
|
Every marriage reacts differently when a child leaves home. For some the transition is an easy one where both parents adjust quickly and move forward into the next phase in their lives with joy and anticipation. For others it has lasting effects and causes feelings of worthlessness and emptiness for long periods of time.
What is Empty Nest Syndrome?
Empty nest syndrome is the term given to the general feeling of loneliness and sometimes depression that one or both parents feel when their children leave home. While it most often occurs in women it can affect either parent. It can present itself when the child leaves for college or after the marriage of a child but is always associated with the parent feeling less needed It can be compounded by other life events like retirement or menopause.
Why does it occur?
Many women, even working women see motherhood as their primary role. After spending many years in this role they find it difficult to make an immediate adjustment. Often they are left feeling that their most important job is over and feel useless when they are no longer needed or depended on in the same ways. She may also be going through other major changes, like dealing with menopause or coping with increasingly dependent elderly parents.
What Are The Reactions?
It is normal for a parent to feel sad sometimes after the child has left home. You have built many happy memories with them and it can be difficult to say good bye to that stage in your life. Some people feel a real loss of purpose and identity. It is essential to understand that these feelings may occur and that it is normal to go through a period of adjustment.
How Do You Cope?
To deal with this new challenge it is important for parents to be proactive in the following:
- Stop worrying about loosing a child and work on establishing a new kind of relationship with your adult children.
- After years of sharing the home with children you need to start working on becoming a couple again
- Fill the void in the daily routine created by absent children by exploring hobbies, leisure or career pursuits.
Planning in advance
If one child has moved out and you still have others living at home with you, plan in advance for the day when your nest will be empty of all children. Small changes made over time will mean less of a shock when your last child moves out. You may find, with thought and careful planning, that the occasion of your last child leaving home will offer some excitement too as you move towards a more independent life with your spouse.
Parents should experience joy and pride at witnessing their children move onto adulthood. They should share their happiness in their new lives and treasure the new relationship that develops. They should also enjoy their new found freedom and use this time to reconnect with their spouse and pursuing their own goals and interests full of new beginnings.
Comments
-->
I have three small children, I’m ready now.
Hang in there, only 20 years to go!