The Inconvenient Convenient Store

Posted by maureen

February 7, 2007 |

The sign declares “ Un_eaded Gas (they lost the “L“years ago ) $2.98, It’s “Pay before Pumping” since the price of gas escalated and I make my way inside to pay. The door is locked but there is a note ‘back in 3 minutes” Well its cold but I need the gas so I wait. Fluffy the cat is apparently still missing because her poster still adorns the window…it is yellowing at the edges. It has been over 2 years. Perhaps they should do a digitally aged photo. Other people arrive and I explain the note. I know the routine. Andy is taking a bathroom break and will be back in three mins (actually, five mins to be exact. Andy says you cannot hurry nature) That‘s our Andy. Just a regular guy. At last, the door is opened and people start to jockey for first place.I come in last. I stand next to the half price Halloween candy which is next to the overpriced Valentine candy. Andy refers to himself as Handy Andy ‘cause I’ve only got one arm.” His right arm is a prosthesis, which he will take off if you let him. He will also catch your fingers in his” jaws of death” (his two mechanical fingers) if you are not quick enough getting your change. He has recently been reprimanded for being insensitive to a customer. (Are there other parts he can remove?) He says he thinking of moving back in with his mother, he made more money-growing weed with her anyway. It starts to snow

Customer #1 wants two large Slushies. Ironically, the Slushie machine does not work well in the cold weather and takes forever to splutter the icy mixture into the cones. He leaves and I see him slip and drop one on the step. He doesn‘t come back.
Customer #2 is an old woman with orange hair who wants her smokes and is gesturing towards the hot dog machine. They have been bathing under the heat of the rotisserie for at least a day and a half and I can feel the crowds’ silent pleas.. No….n….o……n…o. not the hot dogs! However, our warnings go unheeded and she leaves with dinner and an after dinner smoke.
Customer #3 is a black leathered individual with “Born to be Bad” tattooed on the back of his shaved head. He looks uncomfortable as he lays his pepto bismal on the counter. I guess even bad boys get tummy ache.
Customer #4 is a lady asking for a gazillions lottery tickets. I did not realize it was so complicated. Kickers, Power balls, Mega millions. And instant tickets Who knew? She pays, gets out her lucky quarter and steps aside to start scratching.
Customer #5 He is dressed in his “all season” shorts and flip-flops! He looks indignant when he is asked for ID. Andy insists, No ID. No Beer! Things get ugly! Both of Andy’s arms and hands are gesturing frantically and I think he is giving him the bird with one of the mechanical finger. The guy leaves.
Customer #6 I am next! I pay for my gas with a $20 bill, which he holds up to the light to check to see if it is counterfeit. I ask him if I need ID. He is not amused.

As I’m walking out of the store I think I see the angry young man pumping gas from pump #1..That’s my pump and my gas so I run towards him, shouting stop! Stop! However, it is too late and his car speeds off. Defeated I turn back to the store…Inside a minor miracle has happened and we have a lottery instant ticket winner. She is in tears. She explains that she has never won before. She puts the winning hundred dollar bill back into “the jaws of death” and buys more tickets…I have been gone for 45 mins .My husband said that he would have sent out a search party but realized that I must had traveled to Kentucky to buy cheaper gas!

Comments

3 Comments so far

Christopher Waldrop on February 7, 2007 11:56 am
I’ve noticed that labels are often technically true but not really true. “Fresh” coffee, for instance, means that it was brewed some time in the last 24 hours. And “homemade biscuits” are homemade in the sense that someone took a tray of factory-made frozen biscuits and put it in an oven somewhere on the premises. The same is true with “convenience stores”. They’re convenient because they’re often the only place to buy gas, and in some places there’s one every twenty feet. The convenience ends there.
anja merret » Blog Archive » Carnival of observations on life - February 12, 2007 on February 11, 2007 5:20 pm
[…] Maureen presents The Inconvenient Convenient Store posted at Empty Nest. […]
Garry on February 12, 2007 12:14 pm
I liked that. you should do more of that