Sep

13

Play The Game Of Life.

Posted by cameron

September 13, 2007 |

It has become very clear to me that men approaching retirement have issues to deal with that are similar to those empty nest feelings that plague some women and to a lesser extent some men. There is an increasing loss of importance in old roles that is disconcerting. We all want to be, or feel, important and we crave a sense of achievement. Most men get that through family and their careers. It isn’t until the career is lost, or becoming lost, that we feel anything at all. We didn’t know how it would impact our feelings of self worth until it is gone. The same issues drive the empty nest feeling except it happens at home. When children leave home we are no longer needed except as a safety net. Our children can make it without us; that’s a new thought at the time.

When a man approaches his retirement he finds his company can indeed do without him. They plan for when he leaves and will do just fine without him, even though he is of the utmost importance; in his own mind he is at the center of his company’s universe. As the family breadwinner everything that has made him function in this world is going away. That empty feeling of having less worth or importance can be real and emotional, but we must move on.

The thing that literally kills is to focus on the past. There are at least three major moments in life that have the same or greater emotional response to loss; the empty nest, retirement and loss of a family member. We will experience all of these as we travel through life. They all have something in common; the sense of loss to varying degrees, the sense of loss of personal worth and the fatal mistake of driving people to look backwards as if they can change it and live in the past forever.

We have all heard that sole survivors of a long marriage will often pass away within two years of the first death. It is difficult to not look back but to focus on it can be fatal. To varying degrees the same can be said of all those major events.

I am approaching retirement and it would be very easy for me to think wistfully about the good old days, but truth is I’m too busy learning new hobbies as I head into those latter years. “Too busy to work for someone else” is rattling around my head as I struggle to get a new sideline business up and running and worrying about how to fit new hobbies into a single day. Instead of the workplace shedding me I will shed the workplace. It will happen as soon as possible because I just don’t have time for it anymore. And so the game goes on.


Comments

1 Comment so far

  1. wedding supplies on September 18, 2007 8:20 am

    yep, it’s all about attitude.

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