Jan

25

Empty Nest Transition Thoughts

Posted by cameron

January 25, 2008 |

It has been quite a few years since our children left home so it is easy being a Monday morning quarterback; to look back over those years and think about the things that went right. The kids have all turned out great and the transition is made. In my mind three things helped in the transition:

1. My wife started to make her own transition before the kids left home. For her that meant going back to work, for others it could mean getting involved in the church, or whatever your interests. Truth is that once kids leave High School they are on the way out of the nest so that is the time to engage other activities, before the nest becomes empty.

2. Our kids were, and are, independent and yet caring of each other. There is a strong bond which will sustain them long after we are gone. That independence started long before they left home, which created the opportunity for mother (and father) to attempt other things. Independent children create space for the adults. That means the transition takes place over a longer period of time. The suddenness of the empty house is averted. I have seen advice given about parents going on dates after the children leave home. I would contend that you should do it sooner than that.

3. Before there were any kids we were very happy with each others company. In fact we couldn’t wait to be alone. Empty nesters have to rekindle that passion; that “can’t wait to see her” feeling. We had it once, remember? It didn’t go anywhere it just got pushed to the back. If you marry for the right reasons then there is no reason for divorce at this time of your life. In fact it can be like dating again except this time you aren’t broke. How much fun is that? Go ahead, treat yourself.

Further down the road: life has a habit of going full circle. Children reconnect with their parents in a different way, adult to adult if you let them. You will always be mum and dad but they are adults now and want to be treated as such. The new relationships that form are as rewarding as when they were children. They could be the teachers this time if you let them.


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