Germ-Killing Chewing Gum

For some reason I was reading the label on my latest package of chewing gum. To my amazement and disgust, it informed me that my gum was a “germ-killing gum”. WHAT??

Yes, I accept the fact that I probably have germs in my mouth but is that a bad thing? Apparently these gum makers think so. OK, so if I accept their premise that germs in my mouth are a bad thing, and I go the next step and determine that I want to kill these little creatures wreaking havoc in my mouth, I buy their gum and chew it up, now what do I have?

What I have is a mouthful of dead germs. YUCK! I can’t really see how this would be that much better than just having the live ones in there. Have you smelled dead things lately. Not a pleasant experience, let me tell you!

My next question is, do I have to buy some other product now to get these dead germs out of my mouth? Or do I just swallow them and hope for the best? Now I probably have a stomach-full of dead germs. I think I was happier when I had the live ones in my mouth. After all, aren’t there supposed to be some live germs in your mouth. They can be very beneficial I think.

When my appendix ruptured a few years back and all that poison went out into my system, they put me on IV antibiotics for a week and then antibiotics in pill form for another week or two. The result of this onslaught was that the “good” germs in my mouth (as well as the “bad” ones I suppose) up and died and my mouth got very sore. I even had to eat yogurt to get the “good” germs to come back.

This leads me to believe that it’s not necessarily a good thing to kill off the germs in your mouth after all. What’s the matter with these people? Can’t they just make a plain old gum that just tastes good, gives your mouth something to do instead of eat all the time, and lets you blow bubbles in people’s faces? Why does their gum have to have a medicinal purpose.

Let’s get back to the simply things. Sugar-free is good so the gum won’t give you cavities but come on, leave my germs alone!